I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
