sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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