Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
