Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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