Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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