And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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