I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
