I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
