his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
