mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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