I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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