Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
