I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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