I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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