i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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