I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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