the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
