I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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