trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Couch. On fire.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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