Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
not ubering you a puppy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
