Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.