my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm sobbing to NWA
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.