im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The dick lei will go down in squad history