My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There r osticjed everywhere
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds