then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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