I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.