mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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