Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
