Just fell off a train. Bad.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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