She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
