I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
