I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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