I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
