tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
