Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
