Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
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