Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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