I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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