I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
