real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
