it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
