I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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