he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
