Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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