five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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