i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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