I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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