I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
