My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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