yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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