Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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