Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
