did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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