I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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