guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
