all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So vagazzling was a success
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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