Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
