Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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