Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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