..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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