if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
