cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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