I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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