And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
