He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
