Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
