If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
