the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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