Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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