He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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